Weird Stuff Posts

Snack-sized, well, snacks.

And now for something that has been far too long in coming. That’s right; it’s time for another posting about snack cakes.

It seems that the Little Debbie people got wind of my previous assessment of their expanded snack sizes, for a few months back, I received a gift of a box of new yellow cakes with butter creme icing. While this was not the appeasement that it sounds like, (the gift was from my mother) it’s good to know that someone out there is listening, or at the very least thinking along the same lines that I am.

Little Debbie Yellow Cakes. Not exactly the answer to my prayers, but I'll take it.

At any rate, compared to their leviathan cousins, the yellow cakes in question (which claim to possess not only ‘Fresh Taste’, but ‘Right Size’! as well,) the 100 Calorie Cakes are tiny, and I have the photographic evidence to prove it:

Framing this image was like trying to put the Hulk, Juggernaut, and a pygmy kitten all in the same frame.

It’s also interesting to note that since my last critique of the Little Debbie line of cakes, the prices of the larger-sized cakes have jumped again, now retailing at $.75 apiece, when less than a year ago they were $.25. However, the Oatmeal Creme Pie seems to have lost its second layer, for which I am actually quite grateful. Seriously, that was way too much to be justifiably called a single serving.

It may be shorter, but the Oatmeal Creme Pie is still bigger than life.

Getting back to the cakes of the day, the 100 Calorie Yellow Cakes were rather tasty, if small. The little cakes are small even compared to the older ‘small cakes‘ that Debbie has been making for so long, and those come twin-wrapped in a box of eight (or ten in some cases).

They are almost delicate, and not as sweet as the fare that Little Debbie usually provides. Because of this, (and probably also because of the programming that has me trained to bite unmercifully into anything that comes wrapped in cellophane) I found myself tearing through them without even realizing it.

They fit in the palm of your hand, even out of the wrapping.

Whether this is the result of clever marketing or purely accidental still remains to be seen. Nevertheless, these confections might go best with coffee or tea, at the end of a meal, as opposed to a standalone snack- they are too small and light to satisfy in cases of actual peckishness, but could easily fill the need for a sweet taste on the heels of something heavier.

On the whole, I approve of these cakes, although mostly for their intent. These non-monolithic cakes manage to be 100 calories without artificial sweeteners (as far as I can tell, anyway,) and still taste good, and even fill a niche in the world of snackery that their predecessors had long since ignored.

That is to say that they’re almost grown-up cakes when compared to the zanier (and more child-oriented) high-calorie cakes that had come before them, by the packaging alone, nevermind the smaller size and calorie count.

Say what you will about "second childhoods," these are some mighty fine cakes.

So, good job, Little Debbie. Keep on keeping on, and I can’t wait to see what else you shake out of your petticoats.

Not exactly wafer thin, but you get the idea. That's also my least favorite Monty Python sketch.

Not exactly "wafer thin," but you get the idea. That also happens to be my least favorite Monty Python sketch.

July 1, 2009 | No Comments

Bring Out Your Dead.

With Tuesday night’s episode of Deadliest Warrior (featuring William Wallace versus Shaka Zulu,) having aired, all the matches for this season that I’m actually interested in (read as: those that don’t involve guns) have now played out, and I can kick back and recline on the pile of dead losers until another season of ridiculousness rolls around.�I must admit that I was a little disappointed in the Legends’ conflict, though.

With the exception that the warriors had names, it might have been any other episode of DW. Nothing particularly innovative in terms of testing debuted, in the end it was a lot of cut meat and broken stuff, coupled with the standard macho posturing. From the beginning, the Zulu team was losing, and as far as I’m concerned, they knew it. The more that you have to explain how your fighter’s style would allow you to avoid/overcome your opponent’s blows, the less of an advantage you’ve got. This and other lessons played out over the course of the ancient warrior fights; if I can bring myself to watch the modern ones, then I’ll come back and compare. But for now, here’s a recap:

Apache vs. Gladiator

The one that started it all.

My Initial assessment:
Holy crap, this show is awesome. Look at that guy punch that cow carcass with that thing! What? Aww, he got hit with an arrow’ he loses? Nuts.

The lesson: Range wins Deadliest Warrior, and the simulated battle at the end takes a fair amount of artistic license, despite all the hard science leading up to it.

Ninja vs. Spartan

The image so nice, I used it twice.

My initial assessment:
This looks like another bad matchup of stealth versus strength. Take away the anime-style powers that real ninjas never had, and it seems to get worse. Perhaps the ninja will surprise us, but the Spartan seems to have more armor and a bigger shield than the Gladiator did, and I’m betting that the Spartan team will play up the shield-wall tactic.

The Aftermath: Armand Dorian said it best when he explained that “the Ninja could hurt the Spartan, but he couldn’t kill the Spartan.’ The Ninja was a skirmisher, the Spartan was a tank. A tank that rolled over the Ninja and barely paused to stop in the face of black eggs and shiruken.

The lesson: Catastrophic amounts of damage win Deadliest Warrior. While this isn’t a factor a lot of the time, considering that most of the weapons maim or kill pretty obviously, when a team talks more about how their fighter would be moving around (the Ninja and Shaka teams did a lot of hard selling on that angle), or how tough their warrior would be, and/or how little the opponent’s just-recorded X-bajillion pounds of pressure would be laughed off (the Maori and Viking teams did a lot of hard selling in that regard), they’re probably losing. The Samurai team is a bit of an exception to this rule, however…

Viking vs. Samurai

If Fuji were there, The Salt would have turned the tides.

If Fuji had been there, The Salt would have turned the tides.

My initial assessment:
This can’t end well for anyone. But it’ll probably be fun to watch. Either the Samurai knocks the Viking down with the one sword stroke that they are famous for, or the Viking goes berserk and lays into him with an axe.

The Aftermath: Like the Apache before him, the Samurai was an arguably better-trained warrior with a singular advantage- the bow and arrow. Katana vs. Greataxe was pretty much irrelevant- both weapons were viciously effective. And in the weeks to come, range would prove more of a factor than anything else, whether it would take the form of a projectile, or a really long melee weapon.

The lesson: Range wins Deadliest Warrior, in case you’d forgotten.

Pirate vs. Knight

Scurvy againt Chivalry.

My Initial assessment:
Does the pirate have a pistol? If so, based solely on the severe advantage that the bow gave the Apache, the Pirate wins. I’m rooting for the Knight, though.

The Aftermath: The Pirate had 2 guns and a grenade.

A. GRENADE.

I cannot emphasize that enough. Even though the flintlock pistol was unable to penetrate the Knight’s armor, and the blunderbuss, well, blundered, the Pirate HAD A GRENADE! As far as non-powder weapons went, the Knight’s armor was more than effective, and the crossbow was comparable, but in the end, chivalry was truly dead.

The lesson: Technology wins Deadliest Warrior. Explosives also win Deadliest Warrior. Bullets win Deadliest Warrior as well, which is why I was disinterested in the modern warfare of Taliban vs. IRA, Yakuza vs. Mafia, and Green Beret vs. Spetznaz. It’s pretty obvious that guns kill people.

Maori Warrior vs. Shaolin Monk

Sleeper hit of the season.

My initial assessment:
I actually hadn’t been interested in this, and caught the repeat of it which played before Shaka Zulu vs. William Wallace. But it turned out to be an interesting matchup.

The Aftermath: The Maori weapons, while horrifyingly effective, were brittle, being made of animal parts and wood. How this affected the calculations of the final battle, I’ll never know, but in addition to that, the Shaolin’s twin hooks and chain were about twice the reach of the best that the Maori could bring to the table, on top of all his weapons being made of steel. In hindsight, this didn’t seem like a fair matchup.

The lesson: Technology (especially metallurgy) wins Deadliest Warrior. Range also wins Deadliest Warrior. Your warrior might laugh off some blows, but the gel gummies don’t lie. The fact that you might be moving around just means that you’ll lose a few more body parts before you go down.

William Wallace vs. Shaka Zulu

From Wikipedia!

My initial assessment:
This sounds ridiculous, and not necessarily in a bad way. However, since Wallace is known for shooting lightning bolts from his arse, I think that Zulu will not have much of a chance in this matchup.

The Aftermath: While the arse-lightning did not play a part in the combat, pretty much every thing that I’ve mentioned so far came true over the course of this (which would likely have been the most controversial show, if not for the Terrorist Jamboree airing on Sunday Night, or the kerfluffle that seemed to have arisen in the wake of Viking vs. Samurai,) came true. The Shaka team spent a lot of time insisting that Shaka would be able to get under Wallace’s guard and shank him up, and played up the only advantage that they had- the range of the Iwisa, a wooden mace that could be thrown some 30 feet.

The lesson: There’s no real lesson here; it’s just the final exam.

Based on these assessments, and my own desire to determine who truly is the Deadliest Warrior, here is a brief rundown of what would happen if there had been a bracket system (and who knows, perhaps there is something in the works for next season. I’ve got my fingers crossed.)

Apache faces off with Spartan. Spartan uses his large shield to protect himself from Apache’s storm of arrows, closes and goes to town on Apache. Being considerably more heavily armored and better-trained than the Gladiator, the Spartan finishes the Apache with a blow from his shield, followed by a spear thrust to the lower spine. Spartan advances to Round 3.

Samurai faces off with Pirate. Pirate throws a grenade at Samurai. Samurai explodes. Pirate advances to Round 3.

William Wallace faces off against Shaolin Monk. The claymore is deadlier than the whip chain, and has almost the same reach as the linked twin hooks. Combine that with chainmail and the targe shield, and Wallace takes Round 2 pretty easily, scoring a bye in Round 3, because he’s William Wallace and can name-drop, where the others are just stereotypes.

Spartan faces Pirate. Pirate shoots Spartan. Spartan armor, even the shield, is not as advanced as French plate, so Spartan keels over dead. Pirate might have to shoot him twice, but no grenade.

Pirate advances to finals to face William Wallace, and throws a grenade at him. Wallace lumbers through it. Pirate then shoots him twice, and Wallace dies.

Result: Pirate is the Deadliest Warrior, at least in the Ancient bracket. If you were to put a Green Beret in front of him, while he’s fumbling with flint and steel to light the fuse on his grenade, a magazine’s been emptied into his gut, spilling rum everywhere.

Pirate image by Marcus Ranum http://www.ranum.com/ , bombs by woodsy.

Pretty much sums it up.Pirate image (the same one as above) by Marcus Ranum (http://www.ranum.com ), bombs by woodsy.

I’ll see you in two weeks. Now that I’ve got nothing to watch on TV again, maybe I’ll find something else to talk about by then.

May 28, 2009 | No Comments

A Pirate’s Life for Me…

Briefly continuing with my current obsession with Deadliest Warrior, the Viking was defeated by the Samurai primarily due to the Samurai’s undeniable advantage of distance, same as the Apache’s.

In more recent combats, the Spartan crushed the Ninja, in a contest that I had actually thought too close to call. The Ninja team did some hard selling, and their displays of prowess were remarkable. But as it turned out, the Ninja could ‘hurt the Spartan, but could not kill the Spartan’, whereas the Spartan’s attacks would demolish the Ninja each time they struck. There are compelling arguments about some of the Ninja’s weaponry, most notably the black eggs, but apparently the computerized judging system doesn’t take disabling blows into account, only killing ones. Tripping and blinding the Spartan should have given the Ninja a greater percentage of wins, if not the win. Still, I’m happy that a tank took the victory.

Ninja beats Samurai, but Spartan Beats Ninja. Therefore, Spartan also beats Viking. Deadliest Warrior Math at its finest.

Ninja beats Samurai, but Spartan Beats Ninja. Therefore, Spartan beats Samurai, and also beats Viking. Deadliest Warrior Math at its finest.

Next week is Pirate versus Knight, and I’m super-excited. While the Knight has full plate armor, some kind of big, honking shield, and a large range of weapons ranging from d6s to d12s worth of damage, the Pirate has an ace in the hole that no one suspected:

Epic. Hip Hop. Music.

Phat beats. It's what they use to fight ninjas.

Some of the music’s content alone would offend the Knight’s chivalric sensibilities to the point where the Pirate would be able to get a hit or two in, but on the whole, Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew: From the Seas to the Streets is definitely worth a listen, even if you’ve never held a Letter of Marque.

C'mon. You know what I'm talking about.

I’ve always had a smiling and nodding acquaintance with pirates. Well, the popularized sort of pirates, who start every other sentence with ‘Arr’,'Nyar’, or in some rare cases, ‘Argh’.’ I’ve also been a longtime fan of rap music, and not always that which the General Public gives the biggest accolades to. “Macho Man” Randy Savage’s album, Be A Man, is prominent among my collection, for example.So when I came across “the most epic collection of pirate hip hop songs ever produced,” I was blown away.

The album is immersive. The beats bring the obvious nautical theme to mind, without being overly so, even when drawing directly from obvious staple songs, like ‘Blow the Man Down’, or ‘Drunken Sailor’.’ Other tracks, like ‘From the Seas to the Streets’ and ‘On the Account’ have more of a hip-hop feel to them, with an undercurrent of instrumentation that swells and ebbs like the tide.

The album features a wide and varied cast of swashbucklers, but the best two, as far as this blogger is concerned are Sea Dawg, the Scurvy Crew’s quartermaster, and Admirality, the representative of the, well, Admirality and the Royal British Navy, as well as a foil for the Crew. I think that this is because they never ‘break character’, with prochronism like some of the others (most notably Scott Free) do. That, and I find Sea Dawg’s nearly monotone delivery along with Admirality’s Britishesque pomp and swagger highly entertaining.

As for the lyrical content, as I mentioned, the album is unabashedly bawdy at times, although there is a relatively low expletive per minute ratio. The songs range from simple daily pirate life themes, like recruiting sailors or the pirate’s code, to the ridiculous, like Santa Claus, who seems to have clearly chosen a side in everyone’s favorite Internet meme rivalry. There’s even a few (not entirely flattering or PC) songs about wenches.

So, to conclude, the question of whether or not a flintlock pistol can fire a bullet through full plate has yet to be determined, but if it were a Battle of the Bands, then the Pirate would have The Edge, because the mic is just deadlier than the lute.

April 23, 2009 | No Comments

Warriors of the World.

Who has the Deadliest Logo?

Check out my brief spate of Twittering through the premiere episode here: http://twitter.com/sapo_group

Savage killing machines from bygone eras tearing into each other for your amusement. No, I’m not talking about Jurassic Fight Club (although I will in a moment), I’m talking about Deadliest Warrior a show in a similarly opened vein that instead of examining fossil records and performing 35 minutes of forensics and speculation, fills its time slot with fairly graphic weapons simulations, heavily recycled footage of warriors doing their thing, and friendly banter.

This last item makes Warrior more interesting than Jurassic, for while both of the shows have essentially the same theme: ‘Here’s What We Think Might Have Happened in This Confrontation Based on Science’, Warrior does it more compellingly, as opposed to Jurassic’s heavy reliance on a highly enthusiastic, but somewhat uninteresting Dinosaur George.

Too much George, not enough Dinosaur.

By making it into a competition between the teams trying to prove their fighter’s worth, the show’s clunky weapons simulation scenes become a lot more interesting. You suddenly have a stake in one of the teams being able to convince the judges that they deserve the ‘edge’, because ultimately, that’s what the computer is going to use to determine the outcome of the 1000 simulated fights that decide who wins. It’s like American Idol, but with more stabbing. While nothing’s been mentioned yet, I’m hoping that there will be some sort of bracket system, where each week’s winner goes on to face the winners of other weeks, ultimately culminating in a big crazy season finale to determine who truly is the Deadliest Warrior, ala Fred Saberhagen’s Berserker Planet.

On its inaugural night, Deadliest Warrior featured a Roman Gladiator facing off against an Apache Warrior, a matchup of a stealthy and merciless guerilla fighter versus a brawny bruiser known for taking and giving out punishment.

Both teams tried to sway the judges by bringing up their warriors ‘mindsets; the Gladiator team insisted that their combatant would not back down and simply batter his opponent to bits, and that the Apache would prefer to hit and run, but would not be able to in the arena; whereas the Apache team maintained that the Gladiator would be too slow and bulky, and his armor would restrict him from even seeing the swifter Apache approaching.

Both weapon sets turned out to be terrifyingly effective- even an innocuous sling bullet proved perfectly capable of staving in a human skull, but the Apache team had an ace in the hole that the Gladiator could not counter effectively enough- the bow and arrow. (Notice how laid back Alan Tafoya is as he demonstrates the bow’s effectiveness- as if he already knows that he’s won.)

Being able to reliably kill his opponent at a range of just under 50 feet without suffering harm led the Apache to win two-thirds of the simulated combats, at least according to the judges, and this will likely prove to be the downfall of most, if not all, of the fighters in the weeks to come. The judges took this aspect of an otherwise fairly well-balanced matchup, and let it tip the scales violently in favor of the Apache.

In a strict hand-to-hand contest, the Gladiator would have won, in my book, although the crafty Apache could have likely gotten around his shield and cut up his super-exposed chest a bit, much to the pleasure of the crowd. As it was already noted in the messageboard on SpikeTV’s site, the Gladiator’s cestus had shockingly little effect on the Apache’s face, despite its cow-maiming properties proven in the lab. The Gladiator should have won at that point, but it seems that the writers left that sequence in to make it more visually interesting. The full episode is online here- you can decide for yourself: http://www.spike.com/full-episode/apache-vs-gladiator/31444

Next week’s confrontation is Ninja vs. Spartan:

This looks like another bad matchup of stealth versus strength. Take away the anime-style powers that real ninjas never had, and it seems to get worse. Perhaps the ninja will surprise us, but the Spartan seems to have more armor and a bigger shield than the Gladiator did, and I’m betting that the Spartan team will play up the shield-wall tactic.

Other fights for this season include Taliban vs. IRA, Yakuza vs. Mafia, Green Beret vs. Spetznaz, Maori vs. Shaolin Monks, and a few fights that I’m actually interested in:

Viking vs. Samurai’ This can’t end well for anyone. But it’ll probably be fun to watch. Either the Samurai knocks the Viking down with the one sword stroke that they are famous for, or the Viking goes berserk and lays into him with an axe.
Pirate vs. Knight’ Does the pirate have a pistol? If so, based solely on the severe advantage that the bow gave the Apache, the Pirate wins. I’m rooting for the Knight, though.
William Wallace vs. Shaka Zulu’ This sounds ridiculous, and not necessarily in a bad way. However, since Wallace is known for shooting lightning bolts from his arse, I think that Zulu will not have much of a chance in this matchup.

On the whole, Deadliest Warrior is an entertaining bit of late-night TV. Probably not worth staying up for, but if you can DVR it, it’s a good way to spend an afternoon.

Violently yours,
-Sketch

April 8, 2009 | 2 Comments

To Serve Man a dish best served cold.

Once our defenses fell, the tables turned quickly and decisively.

“…No one knows where they got the guns, or how they learned to use them. Some guy I knew once figured that a few hunters probably went missing here and there, maybe they just got robbed, and not enough people put the pieces together until it all went down…”

“They came when we were at our weakest- millions of people in a groggy food-induced state, lulled into a false sense of security in front of our televisions with children scampering about underfoot.”

“…they knew where to strike us where our defenses might have been strongest, on a holiday- that is if they were able to coordinate a counterattack, but they struck hard and fast…”

“All I can remember is the sound they made right before it happened… I’m not afraid I’m not ashamed to admit that still have nightmares about that, so long after the fact. If you’d seen the things that I saw when it all went down, you would too- if you were lucky enough to get out in the first place…”

Picking our bones.

“…funny thing is, I hear tell that our government used to do good by some of theirs back in the old days, and that they were even making it out in the forest or something, because of what those eggheads over in the Capital were doing. …

Figures that they would turn on us like that. You’ve seen what they do to us out here, I don’t have to tell you. They’ve got no kind of sense of honor or nothing, I tell you.”

“…All I know is that they’re really good shots. You know what they sound like, right? Good.

If you ever even think you hear one of them, you get down, and stay quiet. That guy with the theory didn’t; that’s why I don’t know him anymore. That’s the only thing we’ve got on them, they always make noise when they get excited.”

“I tell you, the dead are lucky. They don’t have to put up with that gobble gobble gobble at all hours of the day, all hours of the night, it’s like it’s all around you. Gets to the point where I don’t know what to tell the kids, never-mind myself when you’re at your wits end.

Armed to the teeth- if they had them, that is. But they still have plenty of ammo.

Then next thing you know you’ve got half a pound of buckshot flying through the air at you. They make a bunch of noise, scare you real bad to flush you out, then take out the stragglers…”

“I always used to hate the holidays. Now I guess they hate me back..”

-Excerpts from interviews with refugees of Black Thursday.

November 27, 2008 | No Comments

Something From Across the Pond.

As those of you who have been with us for awhile may remember, I am something of a gamer. For those of you who are new or just didn’t know, now you do. Which is why I am excited to say that I have done some work on a book about gaming: The Elfish Gene: Dungeons, Dragons, and Growing Up Strange, by Mark Barrowcliffe. I did some illustrations for the book jacket, and the publishers, Soho Press gave me some copies of the book, which I read. I had been planning to write this later, as I was told that the book would be released in November, but it came out a little early.

Anyhow, The Elfish Gene is an easy read, and funny at times, although Mark tends to paint with a pretty broad brush. One of the things to keep in mind is that The Elfish Gene is not ‘The Secret Life of Gamer Nerds’ or anything remotely close to that. Simply put, it is one man’s examination of his own coming-of-age story, and how, now looking back, what a wanker he (and a lot of the people that he knew then) was. That having been said, The Elfish Gene: Dungeons, Dragons, and Growing Up Strange reads like it would like to be two different volumes of the same book.

The first volume, which might have been titled The Elfish Gene: Growing Up Dungeons and Dragons, captures the wonder and excitement of encountering the Dungeons and Dragons roleplaying game for the first time, and introduces the reader to some of the characters that he played and scenarios he encountered. In fact, this was the book that I was expecting to read when I had the opportunity to create illustrations for the jacket of the US release:

Illustrations by me, Phillippe "Sketch" St. Gerard.

The second, larger volume, which could have been called The Elfish Gene: Growing Up Strange, is an examination of the interactions that adolescent boys have with each other. It is a very thorough examination, possibly made more sensitive to some as it is conducted through the lens of tabletop gaming, and throws the pettiness of these interpersonal conflicts (which often bled into the games that they played), and even the disingenuousness of the relationships themselves, into stark relief.

The ‘angsty nerd herd’ bit is compounded further by the fact that our autobiographical protagonist is, to paraphrase Yukon Cornelius, a ‘misfit among misfits’. He is the lowest head on the totem pole-style hierarchy that exists within the huge (even by today’s standards,) gaming group that he manages to collect- or perhaps I should say, associate himself with.

"That Barrowcliffe kid? Worst fighter-mage ever."

The presence of the second volume makes a little more sense when you take a look at the covers of the book’s original UK release (hardcover in April 2007 and paperback in April 2008)- definitely more of a human element present:

The Elfish Gene is in hardcover in stores and online now; so go check it out. And when you do, make sure to contact the good people at Soho Press and tell them how awesome the cover looks.

I’ll see you next time.

October 30, 2008 | 1 Comment

Last and certainly not least.

Once upon a far too long ago, I started this whole Black Webcomics Roundup thing. In my infinite wisdom, I decided to save those comics that were most provocative or otherwise discussion-worthy in their portrayals of black people (not necessarily African-Americans) for last.

And now, after more than a year of giving myself homework and shirking it, we have come to the last in this insightful journey through what is an oft-overlooked sector of the webcomic world.

This comic hasn’t updated in some time (since sometime mid 2007), but it, like ‘Bad Shape!’ Before it, is especially noteworthy due to the envelopes that it pushes. Also, it’s important to note that this Political correctness differences aside, it’s also got some harsh language and scatological humor. You’ve been warned.

Anyhow, the comic is called Marbles, and it’s the joint effort of Marc de Wolf and Govert van derHeijden, or two guys from the Netherlands. The comic follows the daily tribulations of a trio of starving children who live in a fictional city called Marbleville in a fictional country apparently composed entirely of desert (and yes, according to the comments on the first page, it’s located in Africa,) named Bulimia.

Once you get past the character designs and the concept of a humorous comic about starving African children (these drew a lot of flak over at the Webcomic List’s forum once upon a time, back when I first found out about it, but the board was nuked awhile ago, the threads in question along with it. It’s back now, but all new stuff), it quickly becomes clear that the comic is simply pointing out the foibles of the global community. An especially long and emaciated finger points toward America (or white Americans, depending on how you look at it). All of this is viewed through the relatively clear lens of the central cast.

Granted, this lens does skew from time to time, mostly from frustration. However, on the whole, the children (like in many comics and other forms of storytelling before them, and doubtless more to come) share clarity of vision that the well-meaning but otherwise toxic adults cannot hope to match in their collective mad dash to salve their consciences with quick fixes and meaningless gestures at compassion.

If you know anything at all about the current world climate, then Marbles will probably make you laugh, albeit a bit cynically, and if you don’t, then you might learn something. I am not usually one for politically-themed humor, but the way that Marbles presents its subject matter is more interesting to me than most of the other snarky topical humor out there; more than likely because it’s not as polarized as American-style political humor is. I also respect Marc’s point of view on the subject matter and its treatment. I had snipped this bit of bulletin board chatter for use in this review back at the beginning of last year as he found himself defending his comic from several irate creators:

“We are both white Dutch boys who make comics in which the poor black Africans are usually smarter and kinder than the arrogant western visitors. Our characters speak more eloquent than the average snappy black guy in Hollywood [sic] movies. Could somebody please explain me, how our comic, amongst all the webcomics that only feature bored caucasian [sic] youngsters and don’t have a single non-white character appear in all their archives, is racist? If somebody can, please email us. I’m very curious.”

He’s got a point there. And finally, dear readers, I will leave you with Marc de Wolf’s answers to my questionnaire (hidden behind a spoiler because the post is running a bit long), and the end of the Black Webcomics Roundup. If it ever happens again, it’ll probably be too soon.

Are you a professional artist? (Art degrees count, even if you’re not drawing for money right now)

We’re both illustration students, and do some artistic work when we can get it.

What is the name of your comic?
Marbles

What genre would you attribute to it?

Humour/Satire

What is it about?

The every day adventures of a group of starving African children, a few of their fellow villagers and the flies buzzing around their heads.

And now for the heart of the matter, as it were:
What is your ethnicity?

White

Does your comic have an all-black cast?

Yes

If so, what was the reasoning behind that choice?

It wasn’t really a choice. Native African people just happen to look black, and all our characters are native Africans.

How conscious of a decision was it to make them black?

Not at all, really. We’ve always thought of our characters as African people, not black people.

Would your comic have suffered any if you had not done that?

Well, the whole comic wouldn’t make much sense if they were white, I suppose.

Being as honest as possible, do you think that this is even a topic worthy of discussion?

I’m afraid that because of the state society is in we have no choice but to discuss race. In a perfect world, race wouldn’t matter to anyone so there was no need to discuss anything, but as it is, it’s a sensitive topic so it shouldn’t be ignored. It’s certainly worthy to wonder why we’re all so concerned about people’s skin colour, even though we all pretend not to be.

To clarify: do you think that a perceived lack of black (or any other minority, for that matter,) characters is something that needs to be addressed, for lack of a better term, or discussed?

No, not really. I don’t think it’s really a conscious[sic] decision for many cartoonists not to include black people in their comics. As a cartoonist you tend to write about what you know, and create characters you tend to identify with. It’s a simple fact that different races just tend to stick together and segregate, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like each other. Whether segregation is a bad thing and, if it is, how to solve it are topics worthy of discussion but that’s a race issue in general, which applies to a lot more than just comics.

If so, do you have any ideas as to how it could possibly be addressed? Do you feel that your webcomic is addressing this issue?

I once mentioned something about why some people think our comic is racist while we have an all black cast and most other webcomics don’t have any black characters at all, and I guess that’s sort of contradicting my answer to the previous question. But what I meant to say with it was that our comic’s heroes are black, so how could that imply we have anything against black people? Though we put them through some heavy shit in our stories we still love them like all cartoonists love their spiritual babies. Garfield has a very shitty personality and bad things tend to happen to him, but there’s no doubt on my mind that Jim Davis likes cats. So I guess I sort of addressed the issue there (This is a pretty lengthy example about one single webcomic news post, but since you quoted it in the TWCL thread I guess it’s sorta significant). Other than that, we’ve never really addressed it.

And for those of you who are keeping score, for the record, the entire Roundup consisted of these comics, aside from Marbles:
Bad Shape! by Wiz Rollins.
(Part 2 is here.)
SPIDERS 19013 by Desire Grover.
Assassin: Angeli Nascosti by Trenton Thompson.
Templar, Arizona by Iron Spike.
The Devilfish Project by Byron Jackson.

October 17, 2008 | 2 Comments

Convention Report – Con on the Cob 2008.

Hey there, Internet. I spent last weeknd (Thursday to Sunday morning, actually,) at a little convention in Ohio called Con on the Cob. I’ll do my best to spare you the less-than-exciting details of the trip, like getting to the airport before dawn to make my flight to Detroit do I could fly back the way I came, and flying out to Atlanta in order to fly to New York, and instead give the highlight reel:

Day 1, Thursday:

Scored a ride from the airport to the con (it’s some 30 miles or so, and a taxi runs about $50 each way,) with Brian “Glad” Thomas and Jason Braun of Three-Headed Troll Art Works and their friend Mandy.

We visited the Beer Cave of a Giant Eagle (sounds like an adventure already), and made it to the con proper without further incident.

The con was a bit slow that day; the only other item of note was the Drink n’ Draw, which is pretty much what it sounds like. I was one of the few sober people there, so I got to dictate the theme of the evening’s artistic exercises.

Day 2, Friday:

Woke up early to play in the “80’s Cartoon Extravagasm,” which was a tabletop game where the players were sidekicks from cartoons from the 80s. It used the Savage Worlds system with a few house rules thrown in. I managed to get in even though I got there late (that’s what I get for showering). I played Man-At-Arms. It was pretty sweet, once I got the hang of it (the other players were well acquainted with the rules, so during a lull in the game, I swiped a rulebook and read up on them).

Later research would reveal that I played alongside “Evil” Mike and “Chaos” Steve of the Pinnacle Entertainment Group, who played Good Luck Bear, and Ookla the Mok, respectively.

Sat in on a painting seminar held by Ed Beard Jr. I’m not much of a painter, but the theory was sound. More rewarding was the lengthy talk he gave about the business of making (and selling) art.

Played a farmer-turned-preacher in a game of Desolation. While not my character concept, I managed to embrace it, and entertain the table with a lot of “I reckon’s” and other countryish lines.

Also rolled big on my “Bless the Party” roll for the (more decisive) win. This game session also featured a giant cow.

Day 3, Saturday:

Due to a general shyness or lack of interest from my fellow panelgoers, led the discussion at the Webcomic seminar hosted by Rob Balder of Partially Clips. Got to speak to him after the seminar as well, and on the whole it was rather informative.

Made some contacts for potential work. (I didn’t just go to play games, you know) There will be more about that at my own blog as they unfold.

Had a chat with Ed Beard, Jr. about marketing oneself; he was very encouraging and invited me to keep in touch.

Played a game of Dread. It’s an interesting concept, but I have mixed feelings about the system. I’m still willing to give it another shot, especially since I had to leave the game early in order to…

Play in my first LARP… I mean LASH. That is to say that it was a Live Action Survival Horror game as opposed to a Live Action RolePlaying game. I did not survive.
But then again, it was a Cthulhu game, and no one ever really survives a Cthulhu game of any kind. Still wish I hadn’t ended up playing the doctor, though.

Day 4, Sunday:

Ate breakfast with Charles Urbach, and I didn’t even know it until I interrupted him to ask him his name. I knew he was at the con, but I had not seen him until then. We talked shop until I had to leave to check out.

Got a hug from Andy Hopp, convention organizer and really swell guy, on my way out. He made me feel right at home at Con on the Cob, and he owes me half a drawing.

Got a ride from a wonderful lady named Kelly who drove me to the airport and wouldn’t even let me give her money for gas.

Caught my flight to NYC from Atlanta (Thank You Delta Airlines for sending me about 500 miles in the wrong direction,) without incident, even though the flight to NYC left about 10 minutes after I arrived in Atlanta.

And there’s the highlight reel. It wasn’t too long, and it was definitely easier to write (and hopefully more interesting to read!) than the day-by-day posts that I have attempted in the past. I’ll see you next week for some webcomic-related shenanigans.

October 9, 2008 | No Comments

Now with more flavor.

I’m back. I needed a break from the review scene- I had bitten off more than I could chew with the Black Webcomic Roundup, and it had gotten to be a chore instead of something fun. But, now I’m back, and ready to blog about comics again, starting next week.

On a completely different note, I am going to talk to you for about 700 words about snack cakes. Think of it as a warm-up blog, or dessert before a real meal next week.

This might be because I grew up in Brooklyn, or because I have a head full of sweet teeth (and the fillings to prove it, but that’s also partly genetics) but I’ve had a deep and abiding affection for the confections of one auburn-haired little girl ever since I was old enough to buy my own lunches.

A auburn-haired little girl who’s done a lot of ‘filling out,’ if you catch my meaning.

Why all the double entendres, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. The Little Debbie cakes that I have known and loved for so long have- well, for lack of a better phrase, grown up.

Simply put: In a world where low-carb battles size acceptance on a daily basis, the good people over at McKee Foods have flown full in the face of any sort of nutritional guidelines, and doubled the size of several of their products. Cakes affected by this growth spurt include, but are probably not limited to their Zebra Cakes, Oatmeal Creme Pies (which are somehow listed as ‘cookies’), and Swiss Rolls. In addition, the prices of said items have doubled as well, from $.25 printed on the packaging to $.50. (The original sizes are still available, but they have increased in price up to $.35 cents, and are not as readily available in most places that I know of as the plus-size snacks.)

While this makes perfect sense, as you’re getting twice the snack, I can’t help but ask myself, does America, especially low-income America where these items are pretty much exclusively sold, really need bigger Little Debbie cakes?

Furthermore, should these ‘bigger and more’ cakes really be crowding out their smaller-boned brethren at the local bodegas? I haven’t seen much of the smaller breeds of Ms. Debbie’s wares in my neighborhood for some time lately, and in a fit of lunchtime pique, I took home a ‘Double Decker Oatmeal Creme Pie,’ along with a ‘America’s Original Swiss Cake Rolls.’ Each of these cakes weighs in at 3.8 ounces. Let me rephrase that.

EACH OF THESE CAKES IS NEARLY A QUARTER POUND.

After cooking. Unlike some other foods out there.

Compare the sizes of the ‘Big Snack’to the ‘Single Serve.’ Let’s use the Oatmeal Creme Pies, because that’s what spurred me to write this. I don’t have a camera, so you’ll have to look at their website, unless I get one soon.

Anyway, in all its forms, (and this may be the cognitive dissonance talking) the Big Snack is simply HUGE. I wish I could show you how big this thing is, say compared to my wallet. It’s like someone took a normal Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie, then took half of another one, and mashed the two of them together. Not only do they have the nerve to call this a cookie (and worse yet, a single serving, at that!), but they also refer to it as a ’snack.’

It’s something that probably should never been put into mass production, instead belonging in the realms of ‘DIY Pimped-out food.’ I felt like a slob just holding it in my hand.

I took two bites (yeah, I ate it; weren’t you reading the first paragraph?), then the part of my brain that made me do Tae-bo that morning demanded that we stop eating this’ thing. So, I cut it in half, then ate the half with the bites in it, and glanced at the back of the wrapper, at the ‘Nutrition Facts.’

What I found was shocking. See for yourself (click for fullview):

Little Debbie Double Decker Oatmeal Creme Pie - Nutrition Facts

That’s right folks. For only $.50, you can have 28% of your Daily Value of fat, and 8% of your fiber for a day!

I’m not sure what else to say, really, aside from that short of deep-frying these things, you probably couldn’t make them any worse for you, and expecting people to eat this much of them at once is more than a little absurd. But then again, not much about Little Debbie is so little anymore, it seems.

I’ll see you next week for a return to webcomic reviews. Right now I need to go for a run.

May 1, 2008 | No Comments

Anime Boston – Day 2

Following the late night, we woke up a little tired, but ready to face the day. We got to the Hynes without incident, and I underwent a magical transformation.

Saturday is long held by many a convention dealer to be the best day of any three-day weekend convention, for many reasons. Those who could not get time off for Friday are coming in, many people get tickets for Saturday only, those who were there on Friday have already done most of their browsing and should be ready to commit, and the list goes on.

And there most certainly were a lot of people on the floor in the Dealer’s Room; more than 11,000 according to the announcement that went out perhaps an hour into the day. By comparison, we did not do as well as we should have, considering the sheer volume of people, but we did better than Friday.

We took a lot of pictures (that are still being processed, believe it or not) on Friday and Saturday. Sapo was composing shots with his fancy-pants camera; I was soliciting cosplayers for poses.

Aside from the Steam-Powered Tentacle Boulder, one of the newest Kaiju Heroes, making a totally unscripted appearance at our booth, there’s not too much that stood out in my mind on Saturday*. It was mostly a haze of hawking (the crowds were so thick that we resorted to shouting at passerby instead of trying to engage people one-on-one,) and fending off, among other things, the people who remembered random acts of dancing from last year, and were waiting (albeit eagerly) for random acts of dancing to happen again.

(That’s me over on the left.)

Random acts of dancing don’t just happen, people. That’s why they’re random. Then again, the people probably didn’t realize that they were random; they likely thought it all an act. But really, it just happened. I would have liked to dance this year, but in truth, I just wasn’t feeling it, and it felt a little forced.

We managed to keep from losing our voices before the Room closed, and we went by ourselves to dinner, foolishly following the Jackal up to Fenway Park, just moments after a Sox game had let out.

I now have a good idea of what it feels like to be a salmon. For those of you who don’t know, there is little to no (more like no) public transportation in the vicinity of Fenway; so the entire contents of the stadium cheerfully disgorged themselves onto the streets, heading downhill as we tried to walk uphill in search of food.

All we needed was a bear to casually swat us off the street, and the night would have been complete. Nevertheless, we managed to find food with only a 20-minute wait for seating. I had a chicken salad and most of a slice of Key Lime pie.

What? It was a big salad. I’d tell you where I got it, but I don’t remember the name. It’s a steakhouse near Fenway Park; there can’t be that many.

Thus refreshed, we made our way back to the Hynes, to attend the dance. We had heard about the dance last year after the fact, and were interested in seeing it this year.

We got there, and belatedly realized that we were all encumbered in some way with nowhere to leave our possessions- a situation not conducive to dancing. Not conducive at all. So we left the dance and did some people watching before making our way back to base for some sleep.

As I must do now. Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion to the Anime Boston 2007 chronicle, where our heroes embark on the final leg of their epic journey.

*In my haste to get this all done, I forgot to mention that my dear friend Stephanie, who draws the comic Throat Lump, came by the booth on Friday. She offered to work the booth, as she was without anything pressing to do (her boyfriend and another companion were stuck on line), but wasn’t quite cut out for the task. Nevertheless, it was good to see her.

May 2, 2007 | No Comments

Sapo Entertainment’s Blog

Weird Stuff Posts

Snack-sized, well, snacks.

Bring Out Your Dead.

Apache vs. Gladiator

Ninja vs. Spartan

Viking vs. Samurai

Pirate vs. Knight

Maori Warrior vs. Shaolin Monk

William Wallace vs. Shaka Zulu

A Pirate’s Life for Me…

Warriors of the World.

To Serve Man a dish best served cold.

Something From Across the Pond.

Last and certainly not least.

Convention Report – Con on the Cob 2008.

Now with more flavor.

Anime Boston – Day 2

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